Spray Raid - Armchair Health Professionals
I recently got tsk-tsked by a TV personality and his fans on his myspace blog for daring to imply that people who are clinically depressed may not need to be counseled by myspacers but may just want people to LISTEN.
Mainly, people need someone to listen. They don't necessarily need suggestions, unless they ask for suggestions, or unless you have an existing relationship with them.
Much like a mother who miscarries does not need to hear "It's God's will" or "You already have 2 kids," someone who is depressed does not need to hear:
- Someone I know killed him/herself and I know if they had hung in there, things would have gotten better. You just don't know that things WOULD have gotten better.
- You need to just thank God every day that you have another day. Where is God when I am feeling this lonely?
- I know exactly how you feel. No, you really DON'T.
- When you are depressed, you should find a page on myspace that is really funny and then you will be okay. This is just about the WORST advice I've ever heard!
But to someone on the brink of suicide, innane comments like those above just may be what causes the person to pull the trigger.
Diagnosing and treating someone on myspace is much like diagnosing and fixing a car problem on myspace; you sort of have to BE THERE to do it correctly.
posted by Doreen at
12:54 PM
2 Comments:
PoetComic,
I agree with you that many people who express having difficulties do not want or need advice. As a professional family counselor the last thing I would do was to give advice. Most often I would give clear signals that I was listening carefully, hearing correctly, and caring. Just knowing that someone is understanding them and cares is enormously helpful to many people who are in pain. Advice is as often as not an invitation to the next problem.
On the internet it is very difficult to give the subtle but important cues that you're listening. Face to face a well placed "uh-huh" or a nod keeps the person assured that they're being heard. On blogs they have no such non-verbal feedback, so readers feel the urge to at least say something, and if they feel a little helpless in the face of the person's predicament, they try to compensate by offering "help." Often the best thing to say if you must say something, is your own version of "I hear you, I understand your situation, and I care. I don't know exactly what to suggest, and I don't know if you even want suggestions, but I do care."
You're also correct that the phrase "I know how you feel" is over-used. A listener may actually know, but often they don't and shouldn't pretend. Better to be honest and say something like "I can only imagine how you feel, but I care." Again that
simple message can be of enormous comfort to people who feel alone and overwhelmed.
Hi Richard,
I have to give the celeb in question credit. He did apologize to me after he re-read my post and visited my myspace page and realized I somewhat knew what I was talking about, LOL.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home