You'd be 14

I was thinking of you yesterday, my child who was never born. No, as you know, you weren't aborted, you just didn't make it. I thought of you yesterday because the holiday season is all but upon us and I always think how much fun you'd be at the turkey dinner or beside the Christmas tree. I realized I did not think of you this September, the first year this has happened. September was supposed to be your birthday.

You would have turned 14 this year. You would be so close to working, driving, and dating (I hope you note the order). You'd have raging hormones. You would alternately hate me and be apathetic. You would be so much smarter than me and I would know nothing. I undoubtedly would hate your friends, the way you dress, and your music. But I would also undoubtedly love you more than anyone or anything.

Women who have biological children, despite their protestations otherwise, do not know what it is like to be infertile. While I emphathize with the women who have fertility issues after the 1st or 4th child, it is not the same as never holding those tiny hands or kissing that sweet smelling forehead.