Love for a Child Never Fades

I just talked to my stepson Josh for the first time in over 10 years. I'm smiling and kinda teary-eyed simultaneously. I hurt for all the time we lost. I rejoice in the man he has become.

I met his mom when he was 14 and we were together almost 6 years. He was a good kid and she is a good mom. S. and I stayed in touch for a while but then my next partner didn't want me to have anything to do with her and like a fool, I listened. My relationship with him was already rocky when his mom & I split (as was hers). You know how 20-year old child/boy/men can be!

Thanks to the internet I was able to somewhat keep tabs on him. I knew he had moved to New Orleans and when the hurricanes hit last year, I was so afraid he was gone forever. I got a hold of his cousin, then S. and found he had already moved to Seattle because he and his wife were getting divorced. The joy I felt knowing he was physically safe was tempered by the hurt I felt knowing that he must be emotionally wounded.

I wanted to try & reconnect with him but didn't know what to say. So I wrote him a long email and just spilled my guts. He wrote back and I literally jumped up & down. We agreed what's behind us is behind us. He's visiting friends in DC this week; we had hoped to get together but he's such a studly and friendly man, his dance card is full. When we talked on the phone I wanted to just reach through and hug him.

The worst pain I've ever experienced is the loss of a child. At one point in my life I shared a house with someone I worked with who had a young daughter. My friend travelled for business and I spent more time with her daughter than she did. Yet when we had a falling out, she forbid me from ever speaking to her daughter again.

I broke up with someone in 2004 who still does not talk to me; fortunately her son was almost 18 at the time and made the choice to keep me in his life. I was terrified he would chose otherwise.

Love for a child never fades.